Who did Billy Mays play for?
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
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