capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
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