I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
