i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize
