that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
