Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
