Who wears a wallet chain?!
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
