Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
love makes seman taste better
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Drunk is a universal language darling
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
