i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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