The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
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