oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
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