i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
