he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
