no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
