I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
