I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
