Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
