he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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