Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
