I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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