I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
