dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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