"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
