She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
