she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
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