I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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