the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize
