people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
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