oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
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She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
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I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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