It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
