what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
