She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
