My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
