obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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