She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
