if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
