Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
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