he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
