A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
We need a shit load of segways right now
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
