I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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