Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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