I bet he comes in French.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
This baby is an asshole
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
And then my night got REAL pukey
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
