My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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