I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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