Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
