It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.