Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
