Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
