He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
