...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I wish i was in the wii world.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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