bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
it glows. i had to have it.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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