I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
where does the pee come out of this thing
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
