I will die if light touches me.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
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