she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
pop tarts are not kleenex
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
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