My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
