You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Randomize
