I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
