i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
