I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
