One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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