nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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