um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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