If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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