I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
