Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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