This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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