I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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