I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
