I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
