you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
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