I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
