I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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