tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
he thought i was a dude.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016