I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
People With No Siblings Will Never Understand These 23 Things
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
25 Seemingly Normal Things That Give Some People Massive Anxiety
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.