Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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