So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
